I have always cared about what other people think. I wanted to appear successful, smart and cool.
If you’re like me, you’ll know how frustrating this is… living for other people.
If you think about it deep enough, you even start realizing how actually sad and pathetic that is… being dependent on other people’s approval and trying to please others.
Even though the only thing we actually want is to be happy and to become the most awesome versions of ourselves.
Well, today, we’re going to change how we play our life.
No more pleasing others.
No more dependence on other people who are as broken and lost as we are.
I don’t want you to spend any more precious days on this bullshit.
If you want to free yourself and finally give yourself permission to do what your soul actually wants, then read on.
ENDLESS STUPID SUFFERING
The thing with living our lives for other people’s approval is that we’re always thinking about other people.
We’re thinking about their approval, their expectations, what they might be thinking about ourselves. Thinking, thinking thinking. Thinking about the things we lack, thinking about the mistake we made a month ago, thinking about that one person who wronged us or whom we have wronged—who doesn’t even remember that it happened.
And one thing about thinking is that there is no end to thoughts, just endless stupid suffering. Waste of time and energy. Waste of life.
And after years of this endless stupid suffering we will regret wasting our lives achieving things just to impress others, or (the more likely scenario) we will regret having wasted our lives achieving nothing at all.
And then we will hate other people who don’t even really care about what we really care, and/or hate ourselves for having cared about others who don’t even really care about what we really care. See how f# up this is? It’s complicated and that’s the point.
IT’S NOT OUR FAULT FOR BEING LIKE THIS
I think almost everyone lives this way.
From childhood we learn to listen to others and learn to be nice so that we can get the cookie and keep being taken care of.
In school we learn to conform to characteristics of the “good” student because that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Of course, I’m not saying there’s anything bad at trying to be a “good” student, I support that with all my heart.
What I’m saying is that this tendency to live up to other people’s expectations and tendency to impress others is learned from our childhood (and even historically since we lived in small tribes and had to conform and fit in the group or otherwise face exile which meant death because you couldn’t survive alone in those times). We pretty much had no choice.
BUT NOW WE HAVE A CHOICE
Now we have a choice.
We have a choice to fix the wrong focus.
We have the choice to stop wasting our time and energy.
We have the choice to stop living for the illusion of other people’s expectations.
We have the choice to give ourselves permission to strive for what truly moves us.
We have the choice to set ourselves free to become the most awesome selves that we want to become.
We have the choice to seek for the magic.
Actually, f# that.
You don’t have a choice.
You don’t have a f#ing choice.
You either do it or regret for life.
You either strive to become your best self, or regret not having tried.
You either start listening to your own voice, or regret never taking the chance.
You either start creating your own magic or drift through life and regret not having done shit.
SO HOW CAN YOU STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?
1. OTHER PEOPLE ARE AS BROKEN AND AFRAID AS WE ARE
Just as you think you’re broken and afraid, it’s safe to assume other people are like that as well.
Nobody is perfect.
Just like you, we’re all afraid and we all procrastinate and we all oversleep and hate work and want a better life.
Just like you, we all try, and try, and fail, and fail again and we hate ourselves, and we try again.
We’re all addicted to comfort, we love watching Netflix, watching random Youtube videos, we love wasting time doing stupid shit.
So, stop thinking that other people got their shit together. Maybe some do more, some less, but that doesn’t matter because we are all so unique with different desires and standards of worthiness.
2. TRYING TO IMPRESS OTHERS IS A RECIPE FOR FAILURE
When we focus on impressing others, we will focus on the short-term and the external appearances.
We will try to look successful, look smart and look cool. And we will try to do it as quickly as possible, because being fast is part of being successful, smart and cool.
What really happens is that instead of taking the long-term approach, we will seek for quick success and end up demotivated because it doesn’t work that way (there is no quick success).
Instead of seeking for real understanding that takes curiosity, contemplation and time; we will just repeat popular opinions, just to appear smart.
We will be focused on the wrong metrics of success and happiness such as a cool lifestyle, number of likes and followers instead of creating real long-lasting value.
Seeking external validation will make us impatient, shallow and internally empty.
Creating lasting success, acquiring wisdom and creating positive impact takes a lot of time and must be internally driven.
3. YOU CAN’T CONTROL OTHERS SO CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
Ever tried to “fix” someone? And then tried a hundred times more? Well, we all know how that went.
Bottom line, we can’t directly control or change others and they will just end up hating us even more for trying.
The only scenario where we can directly influence others is when they come to us first. When they seek advice first. The only thing you can do until that happens is provide space and love.
While you do that, you could focus your efforts on making yourself better.
And this doesn’t mean living selfishly just for yourself for the rest of your life. No.
It means working on becoming a person of value, a person of love and a person of joy so that all that value, love and joy can overflow to other people.
This is actually so liberating because you don’t have to think about changing others, you can invest all your efforts into improving yourself which you have a lot more control over.
And once you fill yourself with value, joy and love, you can channel that value, joy and love in service for others.
CHASE YOUR OWN MAGIC
Stop trying to fit in to other people’s expectations.
Stop caring about what other people think.
Stop trying to control others.
Start chasing your own magic.
Seek for what truly inspires you.
Strive to become a person of value, love and joy.
Listen to the voice deep within that knows what you truly want… what truly excites you, what moves you forward.
And before you know it, your excitement and dedication will start inspiring others.
Before you know it, you’ll start overflowing with value, love and joy so much so that other people will be effortlessly impacted by your magic.